She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
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i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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