We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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