No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
