We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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