I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
