i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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