Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
