god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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