i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
