I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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