My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
someone owes me an orgasm
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream