If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it