I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
