My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
