he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
