I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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