Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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