my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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