pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
