Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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