there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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