I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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