Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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