I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
