I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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