oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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