so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize