I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
