Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Two words: nipple clamps
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