Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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