i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
