I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
