can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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