Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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