I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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