I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
