Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize