I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
