the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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