This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
