Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
