and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i came on her dog
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize