How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
