a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
