I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
