I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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