I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
