I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
