he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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