she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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