her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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