He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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