she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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