ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
