Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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