She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
