she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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