i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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