I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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