another moral hangover. fuck.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
