jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
